Smiths "Rank" Sleeve Feature NME

SLEEVING BEAUTY

SPECULATION THAT the cover of The Smiths live LP would feature The Mozzer - in loin cloth and baby oil - poised to strike J. Arthur’s gong has, alas, been dashed by the choice of ALEXANDRA BASTEDO as the boatrace gracing 'Rank’.

Bastedo, pink-rinsed culture vultures will recall, was the curvaceous, coiffured member of ’67s classic special agent/style pig triumvirate The Champions.

According to ATV guff these three agents for Nemesis were resurrected with supernatural powers having been killed trying “to locate and destroy deadly bacteria specimens possessed by ruthless Chinese scientists in Tibet." Truly they were “champions of law, order and justice” and, just to make
sure, had a fab Tony Hatch theme tune to boot.

But while her co-stars have since fallen on hard times - William Gaunt in Beeb sit-coms; Stuart Damon in a home for Joe Mannix lookalikes - it’s no surprise that the glam-goddess herself has become an international hostess at Miss UK and Miss World contests.

But what greater accolade could Bastedo (interestingly also Italian slang for Ken Friedman) have than to appear on The Smiths’ parthian shot against producer pop?

As the semi-retired Morrissey assures us, “the sleeve is quite spectacularly beautiful and lavishly packaged. As for the record inside it’s impossible for me to hear it without eating the pillow”.

The one that you dream on? You lucky people!

Craig Sterling's Poloneck