Morrissey questionnaire

MORRISSEY

(THE SMITHS)

NAME: Steven Morrissey.

BORN: May 22, 1959 in Manchester.

HEIGHT: 5' 11½"

NICKNAMES AT SCHOOL: I’m afraid I was deprived of a nickname. And what did my parents call me? Steven of course, with a v not a ph, please.

WHAT WAS THE BEST EXCUSE YOU USED TO GET OFF P.E.? I never wanted to get off P.E. - it was the only intellectual subject in school. It was the only thing I was good at and I used to love it completely. The 100 metres was my raison d'être. Yes, I won everything. I was a terrible bore when it came to athletics. But I did used to get off all the other subjects. I just used to be constantly ill - general manic depression mainly. They just had to take one look at me and that was enough.

FIRST CRUSH: I’m waiting for that to happen.

WERE YOU BULLIED AT SCHOOL? I was never bullied at any point, I must admit. I was never picked on, never pushed around and that’s that. It’s not very interesting is it?

WHEN DID YOU START WEARING GLASSES? 

Seriously when I was 13. I needed to wear them much sooner but glasses had this awful thing attached to them that if you wore them you were a horrible green monster and you’d be shot in the middle of the street. So I was forced to wear them at 13 and I’ve stuck with them ever since.

WHAT DID YOUR PARENTS DO FOR A LIVING? Very spectacular jobs. One was a librarian and one worked in a hospital. Who did what? Elizabeth, my mother, is the librarian, Peter, my father, works in the hospital.

DID YOU ARGUE WITH YOUR PARENTS?

Incessantly. It was the only real basis of our relationship. I couldn’t think of anything else to do with them.

FIRST RECORD BOUGHT: “Come Stay With Me” by Marianne Faithfull in 1965. I demanded this record from my parents. Of course we were too poor so I had to go into hibernation for weeks until I got it.

WHAT WERE YOU LIKE AS AN ADOLESCENT? I never had an adolescence. I went straight from six to 46. Quite depressing really. I missed out on all those things like discos at Christmas. I suppose I’ve now regressed, but I wouldn’t call it a second childhood, because it’s my first.

FIRST SONG WRITTEN: Shameful. . I can’t remember. No, to be perfectly honest I can remember but I don’t want to tell you. Oh, it was so woeful. It was about bringing flowers to some maiden on a hillside. I was only six, but that’s no excuse.

WHEN DID YOU LEAVE HOME? I left spasmodically and I returned home spasmodically for years. I was never very good at it. I think the first time was when I was 17 and the last when I was 23, I just went to the usual foul, decrepit bedsits that simply crush your imagination.

WERE YOU EVER A PUNK? Not in the traditional sense. I did like lots of it. I did see most of the important groups and I was incredibly aware at the time. . . but a punk as far as style goes I never was.

WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP? Oh, I’m afraid I always wanted to be a librarian. To me that seemed like the perfect life: solitude; absolute silence; tall, dark libraries. But then they started to become very modern, you know, these little pre-tabs and they had no romance whatsoever. So suddenly the idea had no fascination for me.

WHAT’S THE WORST ILLNESS YOU’VE EVER HAD? Probably being on the dole. I always consider that to be an absolute illness. A physical illness? I’ve not really had anything.

WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE SHOP? Rymans, the stationers. To me it’s like a sweetshop. I go in there for hours, smelling the envelopes. As I grew up I used to love stationery and pens and booklets and binders. I can get incredibly erotic about blotting paper. So for me, going into Rymans is the most extreme sexual experience one could ever have.

ARE YOU FRIGHTENED OF GROWING OLD? 

No, not to any degree. I was never happy when I was young so I don’t equate growing old with being hysterically unhappy. To me old age doesn't mean doom, despair and defeat. There are lots of people I know in considerably advanced years that I find fascinating.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN AN AFTER-LIFE? Not really. I can’t think of any reason why I should. You're born, you live, you die and that's the end.

IF YOU WERE AN ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE? I’d probably be a cat, I think. Mainly because I’m very fond of them and they can lead a relatively luxurious life. They’re also very independent beings - not like dogs who need persistent attention. I’d like to be an alley cat. . . no, a tabby.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE ROYAL FAMILY? The writers and designers of Spitting Image should be unmercifully sued for making the Royal Family seem generally more attractive and intelligent than they actually are.

HAVE YOU EVER PLACED A LONELY HEARTS AD? Yes. It said “I’m dying of loneliness and need to be rescued else I’ll sink into obscurity” - which I did. I also put that I was mad, ugly, spotty and totally odorous. No reply.

THE BEST THING ABOUT BEING A POP STAR? The best thing is, one way or another, that people respect you. It just boils down to fame. No matter what you’ve done in the past - people will forgive you. People in the past who’ve spat at you are quite forgiving. It’s two-faced, of course, but it gives me a great deal of satisfaction because it’s an enormous sense of achievement. It can t be surpassed, really.