New Order 2005 09 10 The Guardian Guide

Dominic Utton is man enough to admit he likes bloke music

The idea of an album of songs dedicated to “blokes” might sound like a nightmare — the musical equivalent of an evening spent watching Ray Mears with a six-pack of real ale and a DIY magazine. Something Jeremy Clarkson might compile. Something involving the Eagles.

But ’Ave It!, a new compilation of “blokes’ songs" out on Monday, manages to do what it says on the tin — and still remain a cracking good collection of tunes. OK, so it includes Oasis, Slade and Thin Lizzy... but it’s also got tracks by the Clash, the Ramones, Suede, Hard-Fi and Underworld. And the Monkees theme. And if it ends up being one of those compilation albums you’d actually buy, it’s not only because the music’s good (although, be honest — if you’re familiar enough with the songs to want to buy it, chances are you own them all already anyway), but because the very idea of what a bloke is has changed.

Bloke used to mean Jeremy Clarkson. He was someone in his 40s clinging to his 30s (clinging to your 30s? How uncool is that?). He ironed his jeans, went on golfing weekends and harboured secret delusions that his nieces' teenage friends fancied him. He closed his eyes during the instrumental bit of Hotel California.

Now... now bloke is another sub-genre of 25-30 something male. He’s somewhere between a lad, a geezer, a feller and a chap. He’ll go down the pub and get lashed with the lads, but instead of continuing to a club he’ll go home and sleep it off. He buys FHM magazine with the geezers, but thinks Zoo is a little extreme. He prefers the girl from Soccer AM to Jodie Marsh. He categorically doesn’t fancy Jordan. Like the chaps, he plays golf; unlike the chaps, he does so on his PlayStation. And like the fellers, he owns an iPod —but bloke gets more use from his vinyl records. He thinks he’s still cool — and to be fair to him, he’s half right.

He is, in fact, me. When I was asked to write the sleevenotes to ’Ave It! the first thing I did was scan the tracklisting for the defining song (every album has one).

In this case it’s EnglandNewOrder’s World In Motion. If it was the first great song ever written about football, it also captures the moment bloke culture was born. It paved the way for Gazza’s tears (and later Beckham’s tattoos) and at a stroke it created a whole audience for bloke writers Nick Hornby and Tony Parsons. And the band themselves have a distinctly laddish past — they were former punks, they were dance-rock pioneers, they owned the Hacienda nightclub — but by World In Motion were of an age where a few pints and a laugh made for a better Saturday night than the rock'n’roll excesses of their youth. New Order, they’re blokes. And all blokes who aren’t in New Order love New Order. It’s like a bloke’s law.

So why not have a bloke’s album? After all, gay men have had their own soundtrack for years — from Gloria Gaynor to Girls Aloud, they’ve bagged the very best cheesy disco can offer. It’s time we got some good tunes too. And any album that has successive tracks by the the Killers, Sham 69, the Streets and the Kinks is all right by me.